You're my little dorito
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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