I wanna bring you to show and tell
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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