you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
