New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
