My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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