im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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