Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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