I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
