I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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