i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think i got beer on your cat.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
