You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
