lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
