Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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