So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
