Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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