you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
