What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
