hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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