He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
