He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
