Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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