So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
