omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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