erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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