He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
