one might say we're banned from that church
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
