So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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