they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
