if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
