Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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