He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize