I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
