Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
