So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
