Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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