did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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