Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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