and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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