You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
