Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
