My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
