Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
