I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
