No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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