im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
