k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
