proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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