We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there was a trapeze. enough said
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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