I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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