I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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