do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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