When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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