Little spoons don't ask big questions
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
