I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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