In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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