The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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