Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
