Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
