I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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