im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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