you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
