girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
