Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
