Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
