Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize