he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize