Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
