if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
