i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
