I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
