the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
