Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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