Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
