You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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