So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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