When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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