Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
