I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need a burrito and a hug.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
